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From time to time we have either read onthe BB or received via e-mail some of the funniest stories / jokes we haveever seen. Since laughter is the best medicine, why not put them here forthe world to see! Copy / Paste saves typing.
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From Mandi Mills:
A man walked into a bar carrying a bag. He put the bag on the barand ordered a beer. What is in the bag, the bartender asked him? The manopened the bag and took out a tiny piano. He then reached in and took outa tiny man. The little man sat at the piano and started to play the mostwonderful music the bartender had ever heard. Where on earth did you getthat little guy, the bartender wanted to know? Well, the man replied, lastyear I was in Ireland and as I was touring the countryside I heard a tinyvoice calling for help. After looking around, I found a Leprechaun trappedin a rabbit trap. After freeing him, he was so thankful that he grantedme one wish. Why in the world did you wish for a little man, the bartenderwanted to know? I didn't, the man told him. But it seems the Leprechaunwas a little hard of hearing...so I ended up with a 12" pianist!
A man buys new voice activated car radio. He says, "CLASSICAL"and Public radio comes on. He says, "COUNTRY" and a Garth Brookssong comes on. He says, "NEWS" and WCBS comes on. Suddenly ajerk cuts him off and stops. He hits his brakes in a panic, says "stupidf *** ing idiot!" and Rush Limbaugh comes on.
It's Buffalo. It's winter. It's 34 degrees belowzero. And this man ensconced in his warm living room with a fireplace hearsa knock at the door. "Yes?" The snail says, "Do you haveany idea how cold it is out here? Could I come in to get warm?" Theman looks at the snail, and he says, "Are you nuts?" And kickshim away across the lawn. Two years pass. There's a knock at the door.He opens the door. There's the snail, who looks up at him and says, "Whatthe hell was THAT all about?"
Select Shorts - Anonymous:
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
I.R.S. slogan: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got!"
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Assassins do it from behind.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic!
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy...........
From Jo DeRisi: - THE RULES
1 The female always makes the rules.
2 The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3 No male can possibly know all the rules.
4 If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediatelychange some or all the rules.
5 The female is never wrong.
6 If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstandingwhich was a direct result of something the male did or said.
7 If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing themisunderstanding.
8 The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9 The male must never change his mind without express written consent fromthe female.
10 The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11 The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants himto be angry or upset.
12 The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether ornot she wants him to be angry or upset.
13 Any attenpt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
14 If the female has PMS, all rules are null and void.